Wear your heart on your skin in this life
by munchkinjenny05
Summary: Oneshot- A prequel to my story "The Perfect day..." AU- 16 year old Santana comes up with a plan to express her love for Brittany and whilst doing so rediscovers her bond with her best friend. Brittana love/fluff and Unholy Trinity friendship/comfort


**As soon as I started writing "Perfect day" I had the idea of tattoos in my head. This grew from that notion. I wanted a chance to explore the beginnings of the relationships established in that fic and get across some of how Quinn Fabray got so broken.**

**Off cannon in varying degrees. Embrace the AU. Quinn's design is based on an actual tattoo that my brother has, minus the bible reference which I added to make it fit my favourite blonde more. Let me know what you think. I may well enter this universe again, I like it here….**

In Santana's mind it was a logical step. The practice had started long ago, at the beginning of things. It only seemed right to have an everlasting reminder to serve them. The ribbons were too easy to lose or break. She could never forget the tears that followed the first time Brittany's bow came loose and drifted away. She was heartbroken, terrified of forgetting.

It made sense; after all, it was she who had initiated the whole ritual, not long after they had begun dating. She had to go away with her parents, it was only for a week, but it was the first time they had to endure being separated for any length of time and the blonde was anxious that they would forget about each other. Despite Santana's reassurances and declarations she was unappeased. That is when Brittany recalled her childhood memory tactic. She had been taught to tie some string around her finger so that whenever she noticed it, she would be reminded. It had apparently worked in the past so Santana promptly raided her bedroom drawers and found what she needed. Her heart fluttered as she tied a small red ribbon around her girlfriend's pinkie and the blonde beamed.

"Everything will be okay now, San."

From that day on, it had stuck. Santana likewise employed the method whenever she was away from Brittany, and although she would never forget the girl, she had to admit that it made her feel better nonetheless. She couldn't help but grin every time her gaze fell on her hand and she got lost in her thoughts, always cheerful, triggered by the shade of blue that matched her girlfriend's eyes. The ties were flimsy though, and got tattered. Santana didn't want her reminder to fade. That is when she had the idea. Logistically, it was a nightmare. In spite of all her late night brainstorming, no number of sleepless nights could solve the problem. She cursed being 16. Santana knew she could wait, but it felt like it was now or never. They had been using the ribbon system for 2 years already and now Brittany was going away for the entire summer and a piece of ribbon didn't feel like enough anymore. Time was ticking away and she was no closer to figuring out how to carry out her plan.

The last person Santana expected to hold the key to her salvation was Quinn Fabray. They had barely even seen each other lately, she knew she should take equal shares of the blame for not reaching out, but it hurt to be continually pushed away. Also, she felt useless. Her best friend was broken and she didn't know how to help. It seemed safer to keep her distance. Santana worried that her happiness with Brittany was pouring salt into the other girl's wounds. Quinn randomly approached her one day after school, her red rimmed eyes signalling that she couldn't cry anymore. They sat in companionable silence for a while, like old times. Finally, Quinn's barriers lowered, since she had no more tears, they had talked instead. The blonde opened up more than usual. It was likely that this was because Brittany wasn't around and therefore Quinn didn't have to pretend that she wasn't dying inside in order not to trouble the girl. Brittany saw the world as a happy bubble and both her friends wanted to keep that mindset intact for a long as possible, no matter what. Santana appreciated that Quinn still did this; she could tell that she found it exhausting to keep up the façade.

Whatever caused the newfound surge in communication, Santana wasn't complaining. She had, in turn, obligingly shared as well, filling the silences. That is when Quinn gave her a lifeline. "I know a way you can get a tattoo, no problem." She muttered as though it was nothing. She gawked at the blonde, getting her to repeat herself. She wondered if Quinn was joking, because it couldn't be that easy.

"How would you know?"

"I know a guy." Quinn replied with a shrug. "He did mine."

Santana's eyes bulged. She spluttered over her words. "You, have a tattoo? Seriously, Quinn "stick up her ass" Fabray has a real life tattoo!" She questioned if she had fallen into a rabbit hole and travelled into some parallel universe. "How? What? When?" She was aware that she wasn't making much sense, but her mind was unravelling, trying to take in this new information. "But, you're such a …"

Quinn scowled. "I'm what? Tell me because I'm not sure that I even know anymore." She sighed and Santana wished that she could have stopped her mouth running away with her. "You seem to be forgetting everything that's happened this year. I'm not the same…"

"Sorry Q, I didn't mean…" Santana put her arm around the blonde, half-expecting her to move away. She didn't, she collapsed into the embrace as though utterly defeated.

"I'm sorry too. I don't mean to be such a bitch, it's just, it's a lot to take, you know." The words were soft and halting and Santana held as tight as she dared. "I've hurt a lot of people, and pushed even more away. I don't want you and B to be on that list. I love you guys, so I hope you'll let me do this for you. I can, I swear."

"Of course. I would love that. Not that you need to make amends with us, not ever. B and I understand. It's our fault too. We should've tried harder. So, starting now, I'm here whatever you need, the Unholy Trinity for real this time."

"Likewise. Beginning tonight. Come over at 8, I'll make sure it's all arranged." The blonde got up to leave, and Santana grabbed her elbow, stopping her.

"Quinn…uh…did it hurt?" She felt foolish for saying the words but she couldn't take them back.

The other girl raised her eyebrows, rolling her eyes. "Not me, but since you haven't pushed a baby out of you, I think it's safe to say that you can expect some pain. Don't fret though, it'll be worth it." With those parting words ringing in Santana's ears, she was gone.

Santana dutifully appeared with Brittany as arranged. The fact that they were at Puck's house only added to the surreal atmosphere. Santana still struggled to accept that Quinn was living here full time. She supposed she should be grateful for the unusual arrangement really, since there was no way the tattoos would be happening if Quinn still lived at chez Fabray. Santana supposed none of this would be happening then, because she highly doubted her friend would have even contemplated getting a tattoo months ago. It was scary how much had changed for Quinn, especially since, when she looked at Brittany; Santana didn't feel like anything had altered in her own life at all. Brittany was her anchor and she made up her mind then to try and be someone as stable in the life of the other blonde she adored. Quinn needed her.

"Where's Puckerman?" Santana asked, glancing around the basement where Quinn had led them. Everything was set up as promised. The Latina grinned, her excitement bubbling in the pit of her stomach.

"Out with some girl." The blonde replied. Her indifference was startling, although Santana knew that her relationship with the boy was purely platonic these days, an uneasy friendship based on mutual scars they shared, it still seemed insensitive for him to flaunt his conquests in Quinn's face. She was both amazed and unsurprised in equal measure that Quinn didn't seem to care. She decided not to dig too deeply into that can of worms. It was messed up.

"Ready B?" She asked instead, eager to shift the focus. The blonde nodded excitedly, she had talked of nothing else on the car ride over. Santana could relate, she was beyond thrilled too. The designs were simple, and the surface area of each girl's pinkie was small, so it didn't take long at all. Quinn was right, it was worth it. Santana couldn't stop staring at her inked ribbon and she watched Brittany do the same. "Forget me not, babe." She whispered, kissing her girlfriend tenderly.

"Never ever, San" Brittany squealed. "I still wish I didn't have to go though."

"Me too." They hugged until Quinn coughed uncomfortably, startling them.

"Not to kill the mood but you guys should probably help me clear up before Puck, or more importantly his mom, gets back. I don't want to get busted. Nobody knows about my secret and I'd rather keep it private."

"Puck hasn't seen your tattoo, what about when you get naked?" Brittany asked innocently and Santana had to stifle a laugh as Quinn blushed.

"I don't get naked with him anymore Britt that only happened one time."

"Oh okay. Can we see it?" Quinn shook her head violently from side to side. Brittany didn't give up. "Pretty please, I bet it's beautiful." Brittany moved forward, scanning Quinn's body as though she could see through the clothes to the skin beneath. She frowned, thwarted "If you not going to show us, at least tell me where it is" she sulked.

Quinn refused and Brittany began tugging at her clothes, she was stronger and easily overpowered the other girl. Santana's eyes widened as she saw the outline etched on the pale expanse of her friend's spine. The blonde heard the sharp intake of breath and tensed. "Happy now?" She snapped, pulling her skirt back down quickly, shaking. She spun on her heels, meaning to run, but Santana stilled her, with a gentle pressure on her forearm.

"Wait its okay. Let me see." The blonde was crying silently but she didn't fight or otherwise prevent Santana from exposing the tattoo a second time. The Latina didn't catch her breath this time as she studied it in more detail, her fingertips lightly tracing the image of the sobbing angel. It was bigger than she expected, the wingspan spreading wide across Quinn's previously unblemished skin. It must have taken hours. Her thumb rubbed against the figure, meaning to fix the illustration so that the wrists were whole, rather than slashed and bleeding. It was a tragically beautiful and haunting depiction of intense sorrow. Several minutes passed and she couldn't tear her gaze away. Brittany was likewise awestruck, tears rolling down her cheek.

Before she could pass comment, Quinn spoke, shattering the silence. "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged." Santana looked at her, uncomprehending. "That's what Colossians 3:21 means." It clicked into place as her eyes flitted to the tattoo once more. There it was, hidden small against the bottom of the flowing robe.

Brittany hugged her, their tears mingling as she pressed their foreheads together. "My parent's kicking me out wasn't just about Beth; well it was that simple for my father, but my mom was more complicated. You see, she knew, she had her suspicions, but part of her doubted it because of what else she saw." Quinn took a deep breath. These words clearly weighed heavy on her, Santana could see that. "I think she was actually relieved that my pregnancy came out first, she saw it as easily remedied compared to my other, more shameful secret."

Santana stepped forward, searching Quinn's eyes for the unspoken truth that she had known somewhere deep inside since the day they met. The blonde had never admitted it before now, unable to even acknowledge it. Her sexuality was guilty burden that Quinn Fabray carried, another mistake she felt she'd made. "She knew that you were gay." It wasn't a question, it didn't need to be.

"She saw me with Rachel in my room; we weren't doing anything, not even touching, we were just working on some stuff for Glee, but my crush must have been obvious. Mom demanded that Rachel leave, practically threw her onto the street and then she got our bible and tried to make me swear on it. I couldn't do it…I just couldn't. She didn't even look at me after that, barely spoke to me. She drove me to sleep with Puck, I couldn't stand it, and I had to prove myself…I had to… She didn't even defend me, I did it for her, and she didn't say a word."

"She doesn't deserve a daughter like you. You're so special Quinn. We love you." Santana's heart ached as she listened to her girlfriend's words. She felt no jealousy Brittany peppered Quinn's face with comforting and tender kisses.

"What about Rachel? Does she know?" Santana asked when her friend had calmed down a little.

"No. How could I tell her?"

"Q, that girl has been in love with you since the first day of school, how could you not?"

"You're being ridiculous, she's with Finn."

Santana was unperturbed by the excuses. "So were you once, remember?" She chided gently.

"That was different."

"Trust me; you girls are more alike than you know."

Brittany smiled. "You don't have to be sad anymore Quinn, San will help you, and so will I when I get back, if you still need help by then. You'll get the girl too and you can be as happy as us, maybe happier even, because you need it more. Leave it to us, me and San will make sure you win Rach's heart in no time."

"Thanks B, but I'm not sure that'll work, or if I even-"

Santana interrupted her with a smirk. "Save it Q, you know that once B gets something in her head, she never lets it go, this is happening so you might as well embrace the love."


End file.
